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I’ll always have me
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I’ll always have me

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I was out today with friends to see a show and lose myself in the vibrancy of the life around me. It worked. Whilst watching the wonderful actors and actresses singing and dancing I caught myself having a moment. One of those moments that rings through your soul and grounds you so that you feel temporally at peace with everything.  I love those moments.  I was reminded of myself today, of how I used to be.  Like those wonderful characters I too was full of vibrancy and life.  It may have been a while since I have seen that side of myself but my inner bell rang and reminded me that I am still there – or rather I am still here! I am still that person and I realised that I liked “me”.  ….so, I will try to cast off the layers of darkness that have enveloped me over the last decade and break free like the sun does through a cloud.   I can feel myself bubbling below the surface and I know my strength is growing. Its is a wonderful thought and feeling to know that at the end the of the day I will always have ‘me’.  I can rely on ‘me’. I am always there for myself and I  know more and more who I am and what makes me ‘me’.  I like it. There is no one else in the would like me and that’s pretty special.

So basically I am here today to tell you that however alone you think or feel you are, please remember that you are not. You will always have yourself for company, for strength, for love, for compassion and sympathy. So talk to yourself, I know I do. Get to know yourself and be your own best friend for there is no one else in the world that will know you like you do. No one else in the world who will always be there for you. You are your own strength so take care of yourself. Be nice to yourself and look after yourself like you would a beautiful garden. Then you can watch yourself grow and blossom and shine your light to brighten the rest of the world.

I hope you’re all having a good day, and I hope you’re all chatting away to the inner you inside you. You get lonely too, so keep yourself company and remember to say something nice to yourself, You will thank yourself for it . If you ever lose your way remember you’re not lost.  You’re still in there somewhere – you might just be really good at hiding!. So as the blog says, never give up on yourself.

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Never forget how special you are..

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I’m having one of those days when i long for someone to remind me how special i am. That i matter. That my existence is important and to not only appreciate myself but remember that i do have an impact on this world and hopefully bring some good to it.   I’d like to say i try to bring good into the world everyday but the honest truth is lately i don’t think I’m cutting the grade. Doing what feels to me as the bare minimum even though i still try to go above and beyond for the kids.  The housework is waiting but i just cannot bring myself to do anything about it. Clothes need folding and toys needs tidying. But whats the point? I’ll do it and it’ll just need doing again tomorrow and the next day. The never-ending cycle of chores that come with having a house and family. Its bugging me that I’m not giving my all but as i sit here and contemplate why I’m not giving my all the simple answer is that right now this is more important. I need this time and space to try to reassemble all the lost pieces of myself, for without them I’m only functioning as half a human.  For a brief while i felt hole, at the beginning of the year but events beyond my control shattered that shell and now once again i am here trying to gather the pieces.  I’m sad and needy and i hate that. I hate that i hate being sad and needy. Why is it that i accept most of my other emotions and allow them to pass but i fight this one? is it a pride thing? does it make me less of a person to be sad and needy?  it feel like it does.

The Song All Of Me  by John Legend came on the radio today and i wonder what it would be like to be loved in such an unconditional way. Could it be possible? or is love like the song describes the stuff of fairy tales? even if we did manage to find it would we be too scared to believe it?, destroying the one thing we all long for.

As you can see I’m in a melancholy mood today and it’s left me wondering why is it that the person i would so dearly like to tell me i am special is indifferent to me, incapable of telling me for one reason or another. Then i came across this poem and it struck a nerve with me…

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Why then am i seeking his approval?  I remember a time when i was strong. Strong in myself and in who i was. I valued me but now i don’t know where that part of me has gone. I know she’s in here somewhere, maybe if i peel away the layers of myself i will find her nestled safely deep within. I guess i will have to keep plodding on till i do.

I love the reassurance that next poem brings me. Especially the last verse, i shall try to remember it on days like these. It reassure’s me that maybe there is hope yet. That no matter how broken we feel, there is still beauty to be found within.  That for me is a very comforting thought indeed.

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