Round and round they go, when they get lost where do they go????? What am I talking about? its sounds like something that Willy Wonka from the chocolate factory would say. Some strange riddle that needs solving. To me, it is a puzzle! What I am talking about are thoughts. Round and round they go only to get lost when you want to pluck them out of your mind and use them!!  It’s so frustrating! I go though the day and come up with a hundred and one things I want to write about on here. Never ending thoughts and sentences that are just jumping up and down waving their little hands shouting ‘Use me! use meeeeee!’ in increasingly desperate squeaky voices. We all have them. Those words in our head that we chew away on whilst we go about our mundane automatic activities.  I formulate whole paragraphs in my head and repeat the first sentence over and over again in the hope that when I get home (and eventually get the time after the kids have gone to bed!) that I can pour out a perfect copy of those thoughts onto my computer.  Alas, my mood changes as it always does and I lose the first thought. I still feel the essence of the topic but the words are lost. Gone into the void along with all my other lost thoughts. Without the first thought the rest unravel and I feel like I’m left holding an empty bucket with holes in it.

I wonder, is it the act of actually thinking these things so specifically that we complete and process that thought enough that it no longer needs to be heard by the rest of the world? that that thought did what it was ment to do and release some knot of emotion that was before tired inside me. That we are freer because of it? ready to move onto the next line of thoughts waiting in the wings.

So, this is not what I was intending to write about today at all.  I’ve had an emotionally bumpy day and wanted to touch on the topic of grief or trust or loss or all of them! Then when a headache reared its ugly head this evening I thought I would give myself an early night and write tomorrow instead.  But you see… the thoughts won’t wait, and I know I will be laying here thinking all night unless I have at least laid some of them down on here.

For instance, right now I just had the thought that to me our thoughts are like rivers, you can never have the same thought twice like you can never step in the same river twice. The water’s always changing, always flowing like our emotions do and each thought we have will feel different even if it is the same words we use. Time marches on and even though we may have deja vu moments we never actually live the same moment twice… but you guys know that already don’t you!

Anyway, all this is making my head spin even more. I think now it’s time to quieten it all down and hopefully lose myself into the void that is sleep (except I’m often busier in my dreams than I am in real life, but hey, I can hope for peaceful easy dreams can’t i?!) So it’s over and out from me tonight. Have fun with your thoughts and see if you can take them on a ride instead of them taking you on a ride.  Master your thoughts.